Never Gone
by FreakyC16
Summary: I thought it would be interesting if I wrote a fic that Beckett actually died from Knockout and all the episodes after that were just Castle's stories because he didn't want to let her go yet... I only go so far because it got too sad.. I will go on if I get good responses.
1. Chapter 1

Castle blinked twice before he was back in reality. He looked up from his laptop to see Alexis standing in the doorway. She had a concerned-slash-annoyed look on her face.

"Hey, baby. What's going on?"

"Dad, I called your name like a hundred times." She said crossing her arms over her chest. Her hair glistened off of the setting sun that was shining in from the window.

He cleared his throat. "Hah. Yeah, just caught up in writing."

Alexis walked up to his desk and sat in the leather chair in front of his desk. "You've been writing a lot lately."

"Alexis, that's my job. I'm supposed to write a lot." He said. He looked at his computer screen and closed out of his word document called _After Hours_ after he saved it. His throat tightened and tears threatened to invade his eyes once again when he saw his screen saver. It was a picture of Beckett sitting at her desk with her famous annoyed look on her face. Castle remembered that day; it was the day he got his new cell phone and wanted to test the camera so he snapped a picture of her after she protested.

She shook her head. "You've been writing a lot more than before, when you followed Beck-"she cut herself off and looked up at her dad shocked. She regretted bringing it up. She knew that she had to talk to him but she didn't want it to be too soon.

"Alexis," he closed his eyes and breathed deeply trying not to start crying in front of his daughter. He had to be strong for her, because she seemed like the only one who he could be strong for. "Please. Don't."

"I'm sorry; it's just that ever since… you've been distant. It's close to being two years. You have to move on. Daddy, I need you."

"Alexis, not now." He practically begged. He placed his elbows on his desk and massaged the sides on his temples keeping his eyes closed. "I cannot do this now."

His stomach clenched and he felt like throwing up. He missed her. He wanted her back. He wanted to hold her tight and breathe in her cheery scented hair and feel her thin, smooth hands in his. He wanted her so badly. He wanted to tell her that he loved her. He didn't even know if she had heard him when he confessed it to her as she lay in his arms taking her last breaths. He wish he cloud take it all back, everything. He would give it all up, his job, his money, his cars, his loft, everything, just to have her back.

_What about Alexis?_ He thought to himself, and his eyes flashed open.

Alexis stood and Castle looked at her pained face. "But daddy, I needed you two years ago!" tears started to pour down her cheeks. "I understand. You loved her, you cared a lot for her, and she was taken from you all of a sudden. But you have to move on!" Her voice turned into a whisper, "Please. Daddy?"

"Alexis," he said his eyes blurred from the tears cascading into his eyes. "I'm so sorry, pumpkin. You're right. You're so right."

Alexis ran around the desk and clenched onto him. Her sobs vibrated onto his neck from where her face was smashed against and her fists gripped his shirt in clumps.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't even realize... I'm so sorry." He said almost sobbing. "I'm here for you. I will be, I promise."

She sniffled and leaned back to look in his blood shot eyes. "Always?"

Castle clenched his teeth together and smiled sadly. "Forever, sweetheart, forever."


	2. Chapter 2

Castle squatted in front of Beckett's gravestone that sat next her mother's. He smiled at it with a tear in his eye. He patted the grass next to him and breathed in the fresh air that blew past him he could almost smell a mixture of cherries and lavender in the wind, like she was saying hello.

"Hey, Beckett." Castle said softly. "I miss you."

Another sudden gust of wind whipped against his face which sent goose bumps up and down his arms.

"The guys miss you too. It's funny, because they sometimes call me up and ask me what you would do…" several tears escaped the corner of his eye and slid down his face. "You're still solving murders, you know that?"

The wind ruffled up his hair and tickled his cheek.

"But sometimes I don't know. Sometimes I don't know what you would do… sometimes I don't know what you would say... and that pains me, because I will never know. I will never know."

Castle heard footsteps behind him behind him and he stood up and wiped the tears from his eyes. He turned and saw a tall man with graying hair walking towards him with two bouquets of flowers in his hands.

As Jim grew near he said, "Hello, Rick."

Castle nodded at him. "Mr. Beckett."

"How's Katie doing?" Jim asked like she was still alive and well.

Castle's throat swelled. "Better than the rest of us."

Jim nodded excepting the answer. "And that's all I want."

"Me too." Castle said as they both looked at Kate's grave.

_Daughter, Friend, Hero_

_Forever in our hearts_

_and never gone_


End file.
